Special Trial Edition: July 2004


Special Trial Edition	By Edgar T. Penguin	July 2004

The Victim Speaks By Boo Boo Andy agreed to talk to me today, to tell me his version of the events that went on the night of the 6th. "I woke up and heard a thud. I though I'd dreamed it at first, then I looked around. Oinkers was laying on the floor gripping a little crock in one hand and a brush in the other. there was something white all over his tummy. When I asked him what he was doing he ran away." "The next morning I thought I had dreamt the whole thing, until I looked at the carpet. Near where I saw Onkers the night before were large bleached spots. Then when Oinkers finally appeared after breakfast there was no deneying it, as his tummy was as white as snow." "I immediatly went to the teddy Council, Onkers has been doing things to me since I moved here over that whoe "chart" incident. Anyway, I never meant for them to charge him! I just wanted them to make sure he didn't do anything els to me. In fact, I don't think white hair would have been bad - it would have freaked Annie out, afterall!" "But, I guess they've had enough of it and have decided to take care of this once and for all, as I have lodged several complaints with them. Frankly I think Joey should just punish him and end it there." Defendant to Defend self Oinkers stated to The Penguin post yesterday morning that he intends to defend himself at his trial. When asked what prompted this decision he replied, "I don't trust anyone else to do it properly! If my future must rest in someone's paws it should be my own!" Peanuts had this to say about the defendant's choice, "I think it's unwise to defend yourself. Anyone on trial is apt to get riled up and this will effect the adequateness of his performance." Judge Timothy had nothing to say on the matter, "i prefer to stay impartial," he said. "after all, I am the judge."	Pig Accused of Attempted Assault Archive Picture by Oinkers Charges Have Been Pressed Oinkers T. Pig was charged with attempted assault the day before yesterday, the 7th of July, by Andy. Andy claims that he awoke in the middle of the night on July 6th to find Oinkers laying on the floor in the room he shares with Spotty. Oinkers was holding a small crock in one hand and a brush in another and was reportedly covered in "something white". It wasn't until the next morning when oinkers appeared with bleach spots on his tummy that Andy connected what was going on and went straight to the Teddy Council. Charges were immediately pressed and the pigs arraignment was held earlier today, in which he entered a plea of not guilty. The trial is set for Monday, the 12th of this month. Web Page Files Subpoenaed The first Act of the prosecution was to ask the judge to allow use of Oinkers computer files in this case. "I believe," says Peanuts. "That these entries in his web log prove that Oinkers did viciously and purposefully set out to bleach Andy's hair white". Judge Timothy has okayed this and has demanded that Oinkers turn over his web site files. Oinkers seemed upset about this, but is in the process of turning them over to Peanuts. "Who would have thought that my own website would be used against me?" asked Oinkers. Who indeed. Reminder To Jury Members Judge Timothy asks that all Jury members who read this edition of The Penguin post try not to be influenced by the media. The penguin post attempts to be an impartial conveyor of news and makes no claims that any statement made by anyone are true or accurate, and neither do they attribute guilt or innocence to anyone. Thank you for reading.	Prosecution Chosen The prosecution for Oinkers's trial was chosen by the teddy Council yesterday, in the form of veteran Peanuts. Peanuts said, "I am happy to take the case, and flattered that i was chosen. Though I don't see that this will take much work as it is pretty much opened and shut. He [Oinkers] is wearing the evidence right across his pink tummy, for cryin' out loud!" The Teddy Council said their decision was influenced by peanut's fair mindedness and also his experience in previous matters, "he once prosecuted Crockie the crocodile for eating Dina, as far as I'm concerned he knows what he's doing." Pig is Innocent By Oinkers How does everyone know that I am guilty? I might very well be, and in fact am, innocent of any crime. Suppose an innocent piggy were walking down the hall at night and found lying outside of Spotty's room a small crock and a brush. Obviously this is something belonging to Spotty, the master detective, so maybe this poor piggy goes into Spotty's room to return the obviously missing crock to him. Perhaps Spotty won't wake up. Then perhaps the Piggy tries to wake up Spotty's roommate Andy, to whom this particular pig hold no ill will towards. Let's suppose that Andy is startled and sits up in bed suddenly. In the process the contents of the crock are spilled on the innocent piggy, as he is knocked backward. Maybe this also scares the poor pig and he jumps up and runs off in an effort to hurry and wipe the mysterious substance from his poor, pink tummy. To his dismay the substance turns out to be a bleach solution and turns his innocent tummy white. The next morning he is accused and then charged of attempting to commit a crime. I say the only crime committed here is charging a poor honest piggy for trying to return what he thought was another's possession. I think it is horrible enough that his poor tummy must suffer for an attempted good deed, should the rest of him?

Home