June 2003


Volume XXXV	By Edgar T. Penguin	June 2003

Beware Toxic Fluff By Oinkers The evil aliens have a new weapon in their arsenal : Toxic Fluff. This toxic fluff looks much like dandelion seeds, only it grows on trees! Why is it dangerous? The fluff secretes toxins, which invade the brain and dull the mind, making one forget that all cats are aliens. I suspect that this alien fluff has always existed and that it has enabled cats to infiltrate our world for centuries. If this theory is correct then why is it that we have never been bombarded with toxic fluff before? Simple, because the evil general has only recently been able to us the alien spaceship's communication devices to ask the cat army to bomb us with this fluff. Brothers in arms, we must protect ourselves! Until the blowing fluff has subsided we should all wear face masks whenever we are out of doors, our very brains may be at stake! Trip to Iowa a Success By Annie Recently I was forced to miss a week of school and go to Iowa to discipline my little brother Andy. As everyone knows, Andy lives with Bubbles and Joey's Mommy. He had been sending me letters with his trademark "Doodle-Doodle-Doodle-Doo" songs. Something had to be done. When I arrived Andy had not taken a bath in two weeks, hoping his smell would stop me. It didn't. I held my nose and gave him a good pounding. Then we made him take a bath. Since I have been back I am happy to say there have been no more "Doodle-Doodle-Doodle-Doo" songs.	Near Miss Oinkers, Booy and Perry watch the tornado Picture by Oinkers Tornado Gets Close to House Last month certain weather conditions made it ideal for tornadoes, and there were a lot of them. One of them got very close to our own home! On May 4th severe storms rolled through our area, causing a lot of damage to many towns. On that Sunday we were lucky and the tornadoes missed us. But the following Tuesday we weren't as lucky. The storm hit in the late afternoon, "The sky was black as midnight," reports Oinkers. A tornado touched down only four miles from our home, but in the end it missed our house, leaving debris of leaves and branches scattered on the highway. Everyone here is just thankful that we escaped the devastation that so many endured last month, though with more tornadoes predicted for the summer, who can say if the luck will last. Baseball Season in Full Swing Last month two baseball games were held, and "The Stars" emerged victorious in all! The first game was between "The Stars" and "The Pigs." New member Pongo scored two homeruns, enabling "The Stars" to win with a score of 12 to 4. The second game was between "The Stars" and "The Bears". Booy's team started strong, but in the end they lost with a score of 15 to 9. "The Stars" are slated to play "The Pigs" again early this month. Hope to see everyone there!	Change of Plans Due to the large quantity of stories and story ideas I was given this month, I have decided to postpone the special advertising edition until next month. Thanks to everyone who contributed advertisements, they will be in next month's paper. New friends Last month six new friends came from Iowa to live with us. i have asked each to say something about themselves. Betsy: "I am a girl who enjoys wrestling and baseball and I'm happy to be with my old friends Candie and Annie." Bully:"I am a little bull and I would love to go to Mexico someday! I love burritos!" Perry: "I like snow, ice and the artic. I am a penguin and my best friend is Bully." Pongo:"Pongo like bananas." Slimy and Slimella were unavailable for comment since they have gone to stay with Joey's mommy so that Slimy can have surgery. I'm sure we all hope for his fast recovery, and that we'll make our new friends welcome. Team Rosters By Betsy The Stars: Clownie (coach); Henry (assistant coach); Bully, Crabby; Edward; Pongo; Panda; Roary; Spud; Tearful Teddy. The Bears: Booy (coach); Doggie (assistant Coach); Batty; Charles the Frog; Hug-Me; Perry; Pigelty-Wigelty; Rainbow. The Pigs: Oinkers (coach) Annie (assistant Coach); Betsy; Buster Thomas; Clarance John; Moos; Spotty; Seymore. Ad Space Available Ad space is still available in next month's special edition paper. Please submit them by the 28th. Thank You.

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